I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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