sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
