She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
