It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
