We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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