I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
