the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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