I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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