dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
