PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
