my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
