Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
