just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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