I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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