GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
