I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
