Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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