you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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