You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's never too late to be topless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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