Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
