I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
