Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
