If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
