Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
