I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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