I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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