Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
