An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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