I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
