Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
