no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
