Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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