yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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