I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
