I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
