We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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