There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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