i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
