The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
