Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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