We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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