elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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