Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
