And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
