he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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