So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
