Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
