was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
