I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
