There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
