Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
