Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
