Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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