Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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