so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
