so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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