It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
